Dear Mary
Dear Mary solves problems for Jim Broadbent, N.M. Gwynne, Jesse Norman and others
Once again Mary has invited some of her favourite figures in the public eye to submit personal queries for her…
Dear Mary: How do you stop someone wearing leather trousers to work?
Q. My husband employs an ageing rocker in his shop. She is highly efficient, and is an extremely nice woman.…
Dear Mary: Do I really have to take my shoes off indoors?
Q. There has been a marked increase in the number of people who have pristine flooring and are so keen…
Dear Mary: Dealing with your old friends now you’re a big success
Q. Success has come to me in later life with an unfortunate side effect. Since my career has taken off,…
Dear Mary: How to talk to friends whose book you haven’t read
Q. What is the correct thing to say to a writer friend whose book you haven’t read? I buy most…
Dear Mary: How can I stop my future son-in-law saying ‘must of’
Q. My future son-in-law has been successfully house-trained in the use of upper-middle-class English over the years that he has…
Dear Mary: Is there a tactful way to shorten the guest list for my 21st?
Q. I am organising my 21st birthday party at our family house in Italy. It is a fantastic location, but…
Dear Mary: Learning to love a man who whistles through his nose
Q. What can you do when disorganised friends say they would love to come to a concert with you but…
Dear Mary: Can I ask for a lift on my friend’s private jet?
Q. We have moved to the country and my husband often prefers me to drive — not because he wants to…
Dear Mary: Can I run out on an apprenticeship for my dream interview?
Q. I have been trying to get an apprenticeship in fashion for over a year without success. I just had…
Dear Mary: Must we tip other people's servants in London, too?
Q. What is the etiquette on tipping in London houses? I have been in the habit of staying with friends…
Dear Mary: How can I sneak into a talk my son is giving without him seeing me?
Q. The Idler Academy is within walking distance of my house and I note from the programme of autumn events…
Dear Mary: Is there anything that can stop companies throwing away my CV?
Q. I graduated this year (I got a first) and have written more than 70 letters to potential employers. Those…
Dear Mary: Is it rude to answer my child's call when I'm already on the phone?
Q. My problem is that an older friend, with whom I enjoy lengthy telephone chats, becomes furious when my call…
Dear Mary: How would you answer Radek Sikorski’s goose-stepping question?
Q. In his Spectator notebook of 30 August, describing a recent gaudy at the Oxford college he attended in the…
Dear Mary: Is it an insult to be given anti-ageing cream?
Q. When someone gives you anti-ageing cream as a present, is that an insult or a compliment? — A.O., Provence…
Dear Mary: Show me the tactful way to pay for a lift
Q. My neighbour is really lovely and always helps me chainsaw trees. He used to be the herdsman at the…
Dear Mary: What do we do with a teenage guest who hogs the bathroom?
Q. We have taken a flat in Edinburgh for a month and a young girl, temporarily homeless and a friend…
Dear Mary: Help me hunt down my priceless missing book
Q. A scholarly book of great importance to me appears to have gone missing from my library. It was heavily…
Dear Mary: How to accept wine refills at parties without getting drunk
Q. At a drinks or a dinner party, when very attentive waiters are hovering, I tend to let them keep…
Dear Mary: How can I tame my brother’s savage table manners?
Q. I live far away from my brother and his family, but went to stay with them recently for the…
Dear Mary: How do I train my husband not to shout for me from far-flung rooms?
Q. My former cleaner has now retired and lives nearby. I visit her with clockwork regularity and always enjoy seeing…
Dear Mary: Our holiday hosts swim naked
Q. We have recently returned from Provence where we stayed the first night with distant relatives. We woke on a…
Dear Mary: Do men really have worse table manners when they’re on their own?
Q. My 16-year-old son, who has recently had his first experiences of Clubland, has observed to me, his mother, that…
Dear Mary: How can I evade nosy questions at parties?
Q. How, in a party context, can one avoid answering what used to be called ‘nosey’ questions without being rude?…
