Life
Long life
Most people, when asked if they would rather be deaf or blind, say they would rather be deaf. I would…
Low life
On Saturday my boy had a mini-stroke at home, aged only 26. ‘You’ll have to give up smoking and do…
Low life
On Saturday my boy had a mini-stroke at home, aged only 26. ‘You’ll have to give up smoking and do…
Big ask
‘That’s unnecessarily crude,’ said my husband, turning momentarily from the television and improving the shining minute by setting the whisky…
Real life
The vet bill has been sitting on my desk for three weeks. All vet bills are cruel and unusual but…
Champions of absurdity
Jumping the shark isn’t yet an Olympic sport, but if it were the International Olympic Committee would be a shoo-in…
Even the Chinese can’t teach Kevin the Teenager
Watching a group of unruly children make mincemeat out of a well-meaning teacher has become a television staple and Are…
Even the Chinese can’t teach Kevin the Teenager
Watching a group of unruly children make mincemeat out of a well-meaning teacher has become a television staple and Are…
Racing loses its Voice
Reviewing a biography of Arkle, Peter O’Sullevan wrote, ‘He had an obit to die for.’ So did The Voice himself.…
Manners matter, even at an orgy
We all agree that a world without manners would make this a pretty grim place to live. Offensive informality is…
My glimpse into the brotherhood of bouncers
After Trev had mugged the mugger in the toilet we moved quickly on to another club. The Double O is…
I don’t do WhatsApp, and that’s final
‘No, I do not do WhatsApp.’ That’s pretty much all I ever seem to say to people nowadays. They ask…
My role in saving The Spectator
I was wondering what to write about this week when I suddenly realised that exactly 40 years ago this Saturday…
Bridge
Imagine going to a golf tournament and finding yourself competing against Rory McIlroy; or a tennis match and facing Roger…
Stormy Petroff
Alexander Petroff (1794-1867) is often remembered as the first great Russian chess master. He became the strongest player in Russia…
No. 372
White to play. This position is from Howell-Sokolov, Staunton Memorial 2009. How can White finish off his attack with a…
Open and shut case
In Competition No. 2908 you were invited to submit a comically appalling opening to an imaginary novel. Thanks are due…
2222: Exquisite
One unclued light (hyphened) is a 38 of a word hidden in the grid. Two unclued lights are definitions of…
To 2219: Keep going
Unclued lights complete the titles of Carry On films. First prize Tony Hankey, London W4 Runners-up Mark Roberts, Hostert, Luxembourg;…
It's my duty to expose my children to the moral depravity of Acton
A few years ago, I got a bit fed up with receiving Christmas cards from my friends designed to show…
Battle for Britain
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Turn the licence fee into a digital currency – and save more than just the BBC
What follows is a proposal for reducing the BBC licence fee and improving the corporation’s output while saving the British…
Dear Mary: Dare I put my wife and three ex-mistresses all at the same table?
Q. I have learned that someone I much admired in youth is about to become single again. I only have…
A six-year-old sharpshooter and a New Zealand white – both bound to improve with age
The Honourable Society of Odd Bottles began proceedings with a report on the activities of our junior branch. These youngsters…
Why I hate ‘I love that…’
I had never heard the Country (Red Dirt) singer Wade Bowen before, although his latest album Hold my Beer (Vol 1)…
