Life
Page 3 was harmless. Here’s why I’ll miss it
‘I for one would be sorry to see them go,’ wrote George Orwell. ‘They are a sort of saturnalia, a harmless…
Battle for Britain
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One-day cricket can make even a turbo-charged century tedious
What a remarkable innings that was in Johannesburg earlier this week when South Africa’s admirable Hashim Amla carried his bat…
Dear Mary: How can I stop friends staying after a 21st?
Q. A neighbour is hosting a party for his daughter’s 21st birthday. Adequate provision has been made for anyone who…
Quaglino’s, the vampire brasserie
Quaglino’s is an ancient subterranean brasserie in St James’s, a district clinging to the 18th century with cadaverous fingers. It…
Existential threat: the birth of a cliché
In the endless game of word association that governs vocabulary, the current favourite as a partner of existential is threat.…
In Dracula’s local
Quaglino’s is an ancient subterranean brasserie in St James’s, a district clinging to the 18th century with cadaverous fingers. It…
Bats out of hell
What a remarkable innings that was in Johannesburg earlier this week when South Africa’s admirable Hashim Amla carried his bat…
Best of Luck
Never mind David Cameron. Are you participating in the Great Debate about an event of national significance that stirs the…
Let’s all become Japanese for a while
This is a good time to write about a nation’s resilience in the face of calamity. I am referring to…
My addiction to literary pilgrimage is akin to masturbation
The hotel and its bright tan prayer rug of a beach were one. In the early morning the distant image…
I dreamed that my broken mop was borne aloft unto the dustcart of Lambeth environmental services
Clearly, I am going to have to report my broken mop handle to the authorities. It has been sitting outside…
Do your patriotic duty and shoot wild boar
It’s 15 years since I first wrote an article about the threat to the nation of the wild boar; but…
I want to do for field rations what Jamie Oliver did for school dinners
Hell’s Kitchen My ambition to open a fish and chip shop in Mogadishu has not happened yet, though I remain…
Bridge
This may sound odd, given its male-only membership, but the Portland is one of my favourite bridge clubs. I’m one…
London Rapid
The exciting American grandmaster Hikaru Nakamura compensated for his somewhat lacklustre performance in the London Classic section, held at Olympia…
No: 345
White to play. This position is a variation from Williams-van Wely, London Rapidplay 2014. How can White bring his kingside…
Hard sell
In Competition No. 2880 you were invited to provide a publicity blurb for the Bible to sell it to a…
2194: Joe Green
The unclued lights (one of three words and two of two words), individually or as a pair, are of a…
Christmas crossword: the solution
First prize Roly Harris, London N1 Runners-up Michael Collins, Petts Wood, Kent; Clare Reynolds, London SE24; Tony Mouzer, Shard End,…
David Sedaris was right: litter is a class issue
David Sedaris is my new hero. Not because he’s such a funny writer, but because he’s obsessed with litter. He…
Battle for Britain
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The joys and sorrows of two-way ratings systems
‘J’ai failli attendre’ — ‘I almost had to wait’ — allegedly said by Louis XIV when his carriage drew up just a…
Dear Mary: Someone told me their extraordinary life story, but I tuned the whole thing out
Q. After a recent dinner I found myself on a two-seater sofa enjoying the restful company of a woman who…
The battling brilliance of Burgundy
There is only one answer to the question ‘Burgundy or claret?’ ‘Yes, but never in the same glass.’ Yet I…
