Life
Let’s all become Japanese for a while
This is a good time to write about a nation’s resilience in the face of calamity. I am referring to…
My addiction to literary pilgrimage is akin to masturbation
The hotel and its bright tan prayer rug of a beach were one. In the early morning the distant image…
I dreamed that my broken mop was borne aloft unto the dustcart of Lambeth environmental services
Clearly, I am going to have to report my broken mop handle to the authorities. It has been sitting outside…
Do your patriotic duty and shoot wild boar
It’s 15 years since I first wrote an article about the threat to the nation of the wild boar; but…
I want to do for field rations what Jamie Oliver did for school dinners
Hell’s Kitchen My ambition to open a fish and chip shop in Mogadishu has not happened yet, though I remain…
Bridge
This may sound odd, given its male-only membership, but the Portland is one of my favourite bridge clubs. I’m one…
London Rapid
The exciting American grandmaster Hikaru Nakamura compensated for his somewhat lacklustre performance in the London Classic section, held at Olympia…
No: 345
White to play. This position is a variation from Williams-van Wely, London Rapidplay 2014. How can White bring his kingside…
Hard sell
In Competition No. 2880 you were invited to provide a publicity blurb for the Bible to sell it to a…
2194: Joe Green
The unclued lights (one of three words and two of two words), individually or as a pair, are of a…
Christmas crossword: the solution
First prize Roly Harris, London N1 Runners-up Michael Collins, Petts Wood, Kent; Clare Reynolds, London SE24; Tony Mouzer, Shard End,…
David Sedaris was right: litter is a class issue
David Sedaris is my new hero. Not because he’s such a funny writer, but because he’s obsessed with litter. He…
Battle for Britain
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The joys and sorrows of two-way ratings systems
‘J’ai failli attendre’ — ‘I almost had to wait’ — allegedly said by Louis XIV when his carriage drew up just a…
Dear Mary: Someone told me their extraordinary life story, but I tuned the whole thing out
Q. After a recent dinner I found myself on a two-seater sofa enjoying the restful company of a woman who…
The battling brilliance of Burgundy
There is only one answer to the question ‘Burgundy or claret?’ ‘Yes, but never in the same glass.’ Yet I…
The changing meaning of 'prolific', from Orwell to the Premier League
I read somewhere recently of a Soho artist who was a ‘prolific drinker’. The meaning is clear, but hasn’t the…
Burgundian battles
There is only one answer to the question ‘Burgundy or claret?’ ‘Yes, but never in the same glass.’ Yet I…
Reputations at stake
‘J’ai failli attendre’ — ‘I almost had to wait’ — allegedly said by Louis XIV when his carriage drew up just a…
Wild life
Hell’s Kitchen My ambition to open a fish and chip shop in Mogadishu has not happened yet, though I remain…
The missed New Year opportunities I would have rowed the Atlantic for
Gstaad The very end of 2014 laid an egg, and an expensive one at that. I missed David Tang’s bash…
The joys of home and hearth and hot lemon
Over Christmas and New Year I was rotten with flu and didn’t go out once. I stayed soberly at home…
Rule number one for horse-owners: every accident that happens to a horse is a freak accident
Every accident that happens to a horse is a freak accident. Rule number one. Once you grasp that as a…
Here I am on Twelfth Night with nothing but benevolence to look back on
For the past two and a half years my brother John has been living next door to me in the…
Venetia Williams: an enigmatic woman who trains winners
Welsh Grand National day at Chepstow could not have had a better climax than the big race. After slogging three…
