Real life
Why animals’ names matter
Pretty Man was a plump white pony in the forefront of a sad picture. The photograph showed the seizure by…
The strange case of the ‘alleged bonfire’
The council has told me that what I saw was an ‘alleged bonfire’. When I described flames towering into the…
Where’s the slogan saying ‘Lose Weight. Stop Boozing. Survive the virus!’?
Panic at the country feed store. Panic in the horse and pony aisle. I wonder to myself: could life ever…
How do we stop the Lycra dads using our stable yard as a toilet?
The cyclist pulled into our gateway, got off his bike and grabbed hold of the electric fencing. Installing game cameras,…
My confusing life on the border of Tiers 1 and 2
As I scoffed down a fabulous supper in a candlelit room full of ecstatic diners, it struck me that this…
I removed my mask and all hell broke loose
The girl in the posh soap shop put her right arm out, palm flat in my face, and shouted: ‘Stand…
Has my tech guy moved to Africa to escape from me?
‘I can’t put it off any longer. She’s dying and I don’t think I can ignore the inevitable. We’ve got…
The lunacy of customer service in the time of Covid
‘Please be aware there is now a Covid surcharge,’ I told the builder boyfriend one morning, as we discussed the…
In praise of fly-tipping
The pile of fly-tipping was dumped in the night as usual, right against the five bar gate. I arrived to…
This was not your usual entitled Surrey trespasser
The Volkswagen Passat was parked next to my field gate, sticking out into the lane, blocking larger vehicles from getting…
The WFH community are finally walking their own dogs — with terrible consequences
Every time I get on a horse I have to face the likelihood that a dog, or pack of dogs,…
Was the maskless man in my carriage dying of Covid?
A man without a mask appeared to be dying of Covid, or something quite like it, on the London to…
Beware cars with National Trust stickers
Always the National Trust sticker. It feels like every time a car parks across the gateway to my horses’ field…
Trust the NHS to take the worst elements of the private sector
After driving around the hospital grounds in concentric circles until I was surely down a wormhole, I found the scanning…
My ‘virus’ turned out to be arthritis
‘Hallo! You was callin’ us about appoint…MENT!’ said the lady at the scanning unit of my local hospital in broken…
The joy of pickling
We have beans, peas, potatoes, tomatoes, butternut squash, plums and strawberries growing in our garden. I dug up and replanted…
If the office is ‘too dangerous’, why is everyone jetting off on holiday?
The whole of Surrey and south-west London seem to have gone abroad on holiday so I’ve got my sanity back.…
You can’t sing in church but you can get a tattoo
From my seat in the greasy spoon café I looked out on a typical English row of shops on a…
You wait ages for an ambulance, then five come along at once
‘I need an ambulance!’ yelled the builder boyfriend into his mobile phone as the cyclist lay bleeding from a head…
The politics of hair dye
‘What are you going to put on my head to protect me?’ said the man outside the barber’s shop to…
Will Zooming replace real-life socialising?
‘Are you seriously telling me you would rather meet up on Zoom than in reality?’ I asked a friend as…
It’s time for lockdown lovers to accept that the fun is over
My friend turned up wearing a snorkelling mask, beneath which she had tied a bandana around her mouth. On her…
The abominable selfishness of the Surrey middle classes
‘Have you met the man who keeps his horses in this field?’ said one silver-haired lady to the other, as…
My organ donation opt-out hell
Opting out of organ donation was one of the hardest things I’ve done in a while. I don’t mean the…
There were horses loose in a Public Sex Environment
The two horses looked like they had never seen anything like it. They had wound up in a dark car…
