Lifesty

9 May 2015 9:00 am

Bank

9 May 2015 9:00 am

Ipad

9 May 2015 9:00 am

‘I don’t mind a bit of role-play, but I absolutely refuse to dress up as Nicola Sturgeon.’

Mind

9 May 2015 9:00 am

‘I guess you know why I’m here?’

Election

9 May 2015 9:00 am

‘Of course, it doesn’t make any sense since the election pledges wore off.’

Monolith

9 May 2015 9:00 am

‘Get the nuclear codes in case Nicola Sturgeon tries to wipe us out.’

Trident

9 May 2015 9:00 am

‘I’ll write an Iraq report before Sir John Chilcot.’

Monkey

2 May 2015 9:00 am

Election

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘You’re right, I do feel subeditors are outdated. How did you know?’

Sub

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘Your trouble is you’re too selfie-centred.’

Selfie

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘Couldn’t you just have said, “Sorry, mate, was that your pint? Here, let me get you another one.”?’

Sorry

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘My son? Oh, I’m afraid he’s no longer with us.’

Son

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘…and we believe that each of us has an angel that looks after us.’

Angel

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘No, it’s neck and neck. These are the spoilt ballots.’

Spoilt

2 May 2015 9:00 am

Dog

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘The gods are unfriending us on Facebook tonight.’

Facebook

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘I preferred him when he just had a hammer.’

Thor

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘It’s how my beautiful assistant would have wanted it.’

Graveyard

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘I say, didn’t you used to be A.P. McCoy?’

McCoy

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘It’ll never last.’

Care home

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘You can have one of my kitchens!’

Ed

2 May 2015 9:00 am

‘The problems started when we both lost our smartphones and had to talk to each other.’

Smartphones

25 April 2015 9:00 am

‘You’re right — oil on canvas.’

Oil

25 April 2015 9:00 am

‘Do you ever wonder just what Earthlings look like?’

Earthlings

25 April 2015 9:00 am