Brooms

11 January 2014 9:00 am

Hangon

4 January 2014 9:00 am

legs

4 January 2014 9:00 am

‘And this is how much money we’ll get if we make a complete mess of the contract.’

Contract

4 January 2014 9:00 am

‘Newsnight’s gone terribly downmarket.’

Paxman

4 January 2014 9:00 am

‘You’re forcing me to passive-give-up-smoking.’

Smoking

4 January 2014 9:00 am

Debt

4 January 2014 9:00 am

School

4 January 2014 9:00 am

‘You know, there may be a way to move your bizarre invention around without having to carry it.’

Invention

4 January 2014 9:00 am

‘Have you been out drinking like a middle-aged person?’

Drink

4 January 2014 9:00 am

‘Oh, go on then — you can beat to death one more hooker, but then it’s off to bed for you, young man.’

Hooker

4 January 2014 9:00 am

Looks

4 January 2014 9:00 am

‘You’re not going to school in that skirt, laddie.’

Laddie

4 January 2014 9:00 am

‘Serpent, Adam. Adam, Serpent. I thought it was about time you two met.’

Adam

4 January 2014 9:00 am

‘Nightmares, flashbacks, mood swings. Yes, I know you were in Vietnam, but that was on a package holiday last month.’

Nightmares

4 January 2014 9:00 am

‘Cut down on the blubber.’

Blubber

4 January 2014 9:00 am

‘If you can’t be drunk, rude and obnoxious at Christmas, then when can you?’

Drinks

14 December 2013 9:00 am

‘Oh no! It’s a twurkey.’

Twurkey

14 December 2013 9:00 am

‘Show it an increased fuel bill and it drops all the green stuff.’

Tree

14 December 2013 9:00 am

Cash

14 December 2013 9:00 am

‘It’s a repeat of what we watched last Christmas.’

Shepherds

14 December 2013 9:00 am

‘You have the body of a teenager — your liver’s shot, and you have a couple of sexually transmitted infections.’

Body

14 December 2013 9:00 am

Wise

14 December 2013 9:00 am

‘As you have no close family who’ll be visiting this Christmas, we’ve come to offer you a huge, acrimonious argument if you’d like one.’

Argument

14 December 2013 9:00 am

Satnav

14 December 2013 9:00 am