‘Let’s elope to Gretna Green to separate.’

Scottish

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘Hello, we’re trying to find somewhere we can smoke…’

Smoking

7 December 2013 9:00 am

Religious

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘You open the door and hundreds of thousands of Bulgarians come flooding through.’

Calendar

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘OK. Can we make that the last time you refer to Christmas as “Black Wednesday”?’

Christmas

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘We’re still looking into it, but we’re pretty sure it stands for “Kind, Friendly, Courteous” chicken farm.’

Chickens

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘If I were you I’d forget about it.’

Dementia

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘Can we cut all the green crap?’

Green

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘Since the galley had new Spanish owners, the rhythm of the galley slaves had gone haywire.’

Galley

7 December 2013 9:00 am

Sale

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘It’s the Belmonts. They’ve found a potato from their allotment that looks like Elvis, do we want to go round?’

Elvis

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘Sweetheart, would you like to tweet grace?’

Tweet

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘Next time they offer us something to make our lives more comfortable, let me do the talking.’

Lava

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘Henceforth to be known as Frackland...’

Frackland

7 December 2013 9:00 am

Michelangelo

7 December 2013 9:00 am

doors

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘I’d like to book a mountain rescue team for 8pm’

Mountain

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘I’d like to book a mountain rescue team for 8pm’

Sink

7 December 2013 9:00 am

‘That’ll be David Cameron’s husky sledge.’

Husky

30 November 2013 9:00 am

‘I see you’re one of those modern wishy-washy moderates.’

Iran

30 November 2013 9:00 am

'Yes all right, sir, you’re Charles Stuart, Prince of Wales, hiding from Cromwell’s Roundheads — now if you don’t mind, we just want to rescue this lady’s cat.’

Hiding

30 November 2013 9:00 am

‘It’s the ideal rail-commuter read.’

Rail

30 November 2013 9:00 am

‘Find out who was responsible for appointing me, and fire them.’

Executive

30 November 2013 9:00 am

‘Stealing from the rich is all very well, Little John, but the bankers, the energy companies, the water companies… I just can’t keep up!’

Stealing

30 November 2013 9:00 am

Lion

30 November 2013 9:00 am