‘Brexit? I’m stockpiling for a new statue of Thatcher.’

Paint

16 February 2019 9:00 am

Talks

16 February 2019 9:00 am

‘Least said, texted, tweeted, retweeted, Instagrammed, posted, uploaded, shared, blogged, vlogged and Snapchatted, soonest mended.’

Relate

16 February 2019 9:00 am

‘I got a tattoo.’

Trees

7 February 2019 3:00 pm

‘Haven’t we been punished enough?’

Prison

7 February 2019 3:00 pm

‘A bit late for that — they’ve already appointed Nick Clegg.’

Self harm

7 February 2019 3:00 pm

‘On a clear day you can see five county lines drugs rackets.’

Drugs

7 February 2019 3:00 pm

Winter watch

7 February 2019 3:00 pm

‘I want to stockpile and she wants to declutter.’

Relate

7 February 2019 3:00 pm

‘I seek peace, enlightenment and an alterative to the backstop.’

Peace

7 February 2019 3:00 pm

‘A woman aged 55 could have painted it.’

Art

7 February 2019 3:00 pm

‘It’s worried about food shortages.’

Food shortage

31 January 2019 3:00 pm

‘If they ban ground-level letterboxes we’re in serious trouble, Arrietty.’

Borrower

31 January 2019 3:00 pm

‘Evening Bob, how did Dry January go?’

Dry January

31 January 2019 3:00 pm

‘I love your dress. It makes me look so much younger.’

Dress

31 January 2019 3:00 pm

Badger

31 January 2019 3:00 pm

‘Same again — otherwise known as Plan B.’

Plan B

31 January 2019 3:00 pm

‘We’ll pay more attention to you once Brexit is over.’

Pay attention

31 January 2019 3:00 pm

‘I need help — I can’t afford truffled gorgonzola and artisan olive sticks.’

Foodie bank

31 January 2019 3:00 pm

‘We hope there’s a shortage of petrol for bombs.’

Petrol bombs

31 January 2019 3:00 pm

List

31 January 2019 3:00 pm

‘Just a moment. I need to update my status.’

Devil

24 January 2019 3:00 pm

Blindfold

24 January 2019 3:00 pm

‘I could do with a laugh.’

TV

24 January 2019 3:00 pm

United

24 January 2019 3:00 pm