‘On second thoughts, I’ll give porridge theft a miss.’

Cottage

12 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘Now run along and remember — no inappropriate sniffing.’

Dog

12 April 2018 1:00 pm

Kremlin

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘We need an expert on the dangers of computers. Send for Damian Green!’

Cobra

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘And on your left you can see another stabbing...’

Stabbings

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

Seaside

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

Solo

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

Klee pigeon shooting

Klee

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘Australia would be great if it weren’t for all the cheats.’

Oz cricket

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘They’re sound bites.’

Kerping

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

Stick

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

Flower

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘If you rough up one side, you get a terrific reverse swing.’

Stoning

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘Wow! I’m going to get myself a knife, bro.’

Dangerous

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘Bloody centralists.’

Centralists

5 April 2018 1:00 pm

Labour

28 March 2018 2:00 pm

‘Let’s hope this celebration of chocolate isn’t hijacked by religion.’

Eggs

28 March 2018 2:00 pm

‘Everyone knows that the camera adds pounds.’

Scales

28 March 2018 2:00 pm

‘Now he knows what it’s like to be in a black hole.’

Hawking

28 March 2018 2:00 pm

‘It’s unforgivable — getting caught.’

Balls

28 March 2018 2:00 pm

‘I’ve gone plastic free.’

Bath ducks

28 March 2018 2:00 pm

‘Waiter, could you ask the couple on the next table if they could speak up?’

Dining

28 March 2018 2:00 pm

Tesco party

28 March 2018 2:00 pm

‘He would have had less trouble if he’d shacked up with Stormy Daniels.’

Stormy

28 March 2018 2:00 pm

Hat

28 March 2018 2:00 pm