‘This machine measures my stress levels. If at any point this red light comes on the date is over.’

Date

18 January 2014 9:00 am

‘Am I right in thinking that this is the first time you’ve done tagging, Gary?’

Tagging

18 January 2014 9:00 am

‘I’ve switched bankers — this is George.’

Bankers

18 January 2014 9:00 am

‘The big challenge in production-line work is to avoid peaking too soon.’

Production

18 January 2014 9:00 am

‘Here’s to us — we survived our first recession.’

Recession

18 January 2014 9:00 am

Men

18 January 2014 9:00 am

‘You can always tell the married ones.’

Married

18 January 2014 9:00 am

Awesome

18 January 2014 9:00 am

‘It’s always about you, isn’t it?’

Autobiography

18 January 2014 9:00 am

Mrbond

18 January 2014 9:00 am

Commute

18 January 2014 9:00 am

Clubs

11 January 2014 9:00 am

‘I’d like the usual savage Tory cut.’

Cameron

11 January 2014 9:00 am

Weather

11 January 2014 9:00 am

‘We’re naming him after the whole of the England cricket team: “Useless.” ’

Cricket

11 January 2014 9:00 am

Christmas

11 January 2014 9:00 am

‘More sea, vicar?’

Vicar

11 January 2014 9:00 am

‘Nice piercings.’

Sebastian

11 January 2014 9:00 am

Statins

11 January 2014 9:00 am

Alice

11 January 2014 9:00 am

‘Try believing in your selfie.’

Selfie

11 January 2014 9:00 am

‘What’s your problem? I got you a margherita and I got myself a Hawaiian.’

Pizza

11 January 2014 9:00 am

Solicitors

11 January 2014 9:00 am

Dorian

11 January 2014 9:00 am

‘Your condition was once treatable but medical science has moved on.’

Medical

11 January 2014 9:00 am