‘Simon is becoming so violent during sex that I’m worried he may break the computer.’

Violent

24 October 2015 9:00 am

Cave

24 October 2015 9:00 am

‘I wish you wouldn’t hitch your skirts up like that, Fiona, it makes you look like a right slag.’

Newtoon

24 October 2015 9:00 am

‘I hope President Xi raises the issue of why we’ve been imprisoned here for so long.’

Panda

24 October 2015 9:00 am

‘What’s a pen?’

Etiquette

24 October 2015 9:00 am

Evidence

24 October 2015 9:00 am

‘Well... I can’t see any moles’

Tattoo

24 October 2015 9:00 am

‘Is he talking yet?’

Baby

24 October 2015 9:00 am

‘OK, it’s transgender, genderfluid, pansexual, genderqueer…’

Dinner party

24 October 2015 9:00 am

‘... for today’s the day the teddy bears order pizza ’n large fries and stay in to play computer games.’

Rhymes

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Myth

17 October 2015 9:00 am

‘He was a smoking beagle. Can he have a last cigarette?’

Beagle

17 October 2015 9:00 am

‘Everyone’s viral for 15 minutes.’

Phones

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Wheel

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Roadshow

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Gun store

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Hipster

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Pollock

17 October 2015 9:00 am

‘We decided to focus on coffee.’

Waterstones

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Mother

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Party

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Looks familiar

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Bears

17 October 2015 9:00 am

‘Please like me and share me.’

Party

17 October 2015 9:00 am

Parrot

17 October 2015 9:00 am