Builder Boyfriend
The builder boyfriend has fallen off the roof – and still he won’t see a doctor
The builder boyfriend fell off a roof. He didn’t tell me until he could no longer leave unexplained why he…
Why won’t the police acknowledge that speeding coppers are a liability?
For a while, it seemed as if the only words my beloved would ever say again were ‘chicken Kievs’. Two…
The builder b and I are engaged in a toilet war
No sooner had the builder boyfriend finished digging for no good reason in the basement than his attention turned to…
Have I misrepresented the builder boyfriend?
‘That’s not the builder boyfriend,’ said the luncheon guest as he eyed the builder boyfriend over the table. ‘Well then,…
You should train your man like you train your Labrador
‘This clean sock regime is really annoying,’ said the builder boyfriend, as he rummaged through his newly inaugurated top drawer.…
Real life
How reassuringly like old times it is, going to a God-forsaken retail park with Stefano. We mooch about the DIY…
Real life
Stefano the Albanian turned up in a brand new Audi off-roader, cutting quite the dash. He looked older, with some…
Real life
Last night, I had dinner at the M25 services. I don’t mean I stopped for a break mid-journey. I mean…
The left-wing lunacy of Tooting Honey Toilets
‘Sadly, the world is filled with apathy,’ said my friend, as we looked at our sad little list of conscripts…
My rich leftie neighbours must be in a state of psychotic denial — or stoned
The ‘I’m Voting For Chuka’ posters in my rich neighbours’ front windows pushed me over the edge. There is nothing…
Maybe it is time to hang up my fighting boots
As a wise person once said (or if they didn’t, they should have), there is only one thing worse than…
Farewell, Cobham — oh flat, boring, lovely Cobham; hello, Dorking
Farewell then, Cobham. You were the place I ran to when the metropolis became too much, and urban life overwhelmed…
The impossibility of ordering the right-sized salad
People don’t listen. It’s a relatively new thing. People used to listen, to varying degrees. You had your good listeners…
The pleasures of being a boring old unmarried couple
The problem with not getting married, I am increasingly realising, is that you cannot get divorced. There is no mechanism…
Should I report my boyfriend to the police?
We’re now so eager to take offence that humour is almost impossible
Melissa Kite’s inventory of life (the ex-boyfriends’ possessions they left behind)
Emmylou Harris and the McGarrigle sisters wrote a song called ‘All I left Behind’. My version is called ‘All They…
Melissa Kite: I really didn't mean what I said to my boyfriend while he was in the bath
The builder boyfriend and I have had a terrible row. In the heat of the moment, I said something truly…
Melissa Kite — after nearly 40 years of riding, all I know is: horses are horses. They are not people
Natural horsemanship has a lot to answer for. After a cross country event the other day, I rode back to…
