Etiquette
Dear Mary: Is it an insult to be given anti-ageing cream?
Q. When someone gives you anti-ageing cream as a present, is that an insult or a compliment? — A.O., Provence…
Dear Mary: Show me the tactful way to pay for a lift
Q. My neighbour is really lovely and always helps me chainsaw trees. He used to be the herdsman at the…
Dear Mary: What do we do with a teenage guest who hogs the bathroom?
Q. We have taken a flat in Edinburgh for a month and a young girl, temporarily homeless and a friend…
Dear Mary: Help me hunt down my priceless missing book
Q. A scholarly book of great importance to me appears to have gone missing from my library. It was heavily…
Dear Mary: How to accept wine refills at parties without getting drunk
Q. At a drinks or a dinner party, when very attentive waiters are hovering, I tend to let them keep…
Dear Mary: How can I tame my brother’s savage table manners?
Q. I live far away from my brother and his family, but went to stay with them recently for the…
Dear Mary: Do men really have worse table manners when they’re on their own?
Q. My 16-year-old son, who has recently had his first experiences of Clubland, has observed to me, his mother, that…
Dear Mary: How can I make my polite English husband interrupt like a German?
Q. My dear English husband has never mastered the knack of timing his interventions in conversation. He hesitates politely, and…
When did it become OK to be boring?
Being boring was once the worst of all social sins. Now it’s practically compulsory
Dear Mary: How can I spike a gossip-pedlar’s guns?
Q. On arrival at a top level dinner, I was surprised to see at the table a woman who, I…
Dear Mary: My teenager insists on an NHS operation. What can I do?
Q. Our son, aged l6, has a medical condition which, although not life-threatening, requires surgery by a specialist to pre-empt…
Dear Mary: How can I escape the tyranny of teacher presents?
Q. It’s only April and yet I am being emailed by parents who have already taken charge and are drumming…
Dear Mary: How long must I wait to tuck in?
Q. I am always making or receiving phone calls which get cut off. When I ring the person back their…
Death brings out everyone’s inner Mary Whitehouse
Shortly after Bob Crow’s death was announced on Tuesday, Nigel Farage sent the following tweet: ‘Sad at the death of…
Dear Mary: Is there any way to wriggle out of a phone invitation?
Q. Is there a tactful way to keep one social offer on hold while waiting to see if you have…
The question that Dear Mary refuses to answer
Q. One of my best friends, who knows I don’t have a great social life at university, has a brother…
Dear Mary: How do you escape from a stranger's childhood trauma story?
Q. Recently a cousin and I gave a small drinks party in the USA. She had invited a very elegant…
Dear Mary: What do I do now I haven’t sent a thank-you letter?
Q. Over New Year I stayed with a man who combines being a generous and exciting host with a punctilious…
Dear Mary: How can I make my friends read the book I gave them?
Q. I gave a copy of Dan Russel the Fox by Somerville and Ross to a couple I know to be…
Dear Mary: How can I hide my tattoo from the in-laws?
Q. I have a tattoo the length of my forearm and am worried it will alienate my new boyfriend’s parents…
Dear Mary: What should I do when my dinner guests dive for their iPads?
Q. We had our son’s fiancée and her family to stay recently. After dinner, expecting conversation, we were shocked to…
Dear Mary: What must I do to reclaim the best poolside chair?
Q. I know this seems petty but last year, on our villa holiday, my brother-in-law always took the best chair…
