Etiquette
Dear Mary: Is it OK for a couple to ask us to contribute to their savings as a wedding gift?
Q. Every three months or so my PA blossoms into a great beauty for a couple of weeks, then has…
Dear Mary: Can I ask my vegan friend to buy eggs and bacon when I stay with her?
Q. The other day a dear friend rang from her car with all the time in the world to burn…
Dear Mary: How do we explain being in Jeffrey Epstein’s little black book?
Q. We often have friends coming to stay before (and after) we all head off for Glyndebourne, a 20-minute drive…
Dear Mary: How much should I tip a black cab driver?
Q. We have near neighbours in the country with whom I would not wish to fall out for all sorts…
Dear Mary: What do you do when your hostess licks your spoon?
Q. I have happily overcome many moments of diplomatic and social challenge, but was stumped by the case of the…
Dear Mary: How can my son tell if his cleaner is stealing from him?
Q. What is your view on emailed vs handwritten thank-yous? During my recent travels around pre-Brexit Europe I stayed in…
Dear Mary: How can I politely turn down friends’ sponsorship requests?
Q. I want my guests to feel welcome when they stay with us and certainly don’t want to nag them.…
Dear Mary: How can I deal with overly demonstrative colleagues?
Q. A friend constantly walks around with his bootlaces undone. His wife declines to nag him on the grounds she…
Dear Mary: What can I do about the vexatious racket of windchimes?
Q. I took an old friend to Bellamy’s for lunch. We were just settling in for a proper gossip when…
Dear Mary: I used to work with Boris Johnson. Why does no one believe how fun he was?
Q. It was 10 p.m. by the time the canapés appeared and by then it was already too late. The…
Dear Mary: How should one react when someone invites you to an expensive restaurant — then lets you pay the bill?
Q. Further to your advice about how to refuse invitations, I had a friend, who sadly died young, who disliked…
Dear Mary: How do I stop men sending me articles from the Guardian?
Q. It is difficult to know what to do when homeless people ask you for cash as you are leaving…
Dear Mary: How should I deal with a friend who leaves appalling comments on Facebook?
Q. Friends and I keep in touch and share our more memorable experiences on Facebook. One friend is an elderly…
Dear Mary: How do I handle the dreaded ‘B word’ at supper parties?
Q. I have lost many friends and acquaintances by discussing Brexit and finding fundamental differences of opinion. Recently I have…
Dear Mary: How can I stop the book club gossip from snooping around my house?
Q. One of the members of our book club is particularly nosy and gossipy. I like this woman, but when…
Dear Mary: Is it ever acceptable to blow my own trumpet?
Q. A friend of 30 years moved abroad three years ago. He then was diagnosed with throat cancer but mercifully…
Hang on to your hat – they’re making a comeback
‘Thank goodness for racing,’ says Rachel Trevor-Morgan. She is a milliner — a hat maker — so it’s no surprise…
Dear Mary: How do I stop people cadging cigarettes off me?
Q. My mother died a few months ago. Her collection of colourful clothes, hats, shoes and an immense amount of…
Dear Mary: I won a bet – how do I make my friend pay up?
Q. A delightful but disorganised friend has invited several of our circle for a weekend at his family’s beautiful country…
Dear Mary: What should I do when my host won’t serve the champagne I brought?
Q. Was I right to feel aggrieved when, having contributed a bottle of fine champagne to a small supper party,…
Dear Mary: I’m disabled – how can I stop my carer being so controlling?
Q. I am a disabled man with a good brain and an independent bent. However, I need help to wash…
Dear Mary: What should you do when friends invite you to lunch but don’t offer wine?
Q. I was invited to birthday drinks in London. On my way there the name of someone I haven’t heard…
Dear Mary: did our friends regift us out-of-date chocolates?
Q. A university friend and I want to get an invitation to a very good shoot owned by a colleague…
Dear Mary: how can I tell my chatty masseur to stop talking?
Q. Like many of his profession, Manolo, my most-proficient masseur, has the gift of the gab and maintains a garrulous…
Dear Mary: how can I stop myself procrastinating?
Q. I am not a professional writer but on the strength of a short piece I contributed to a Festschrift…
