manners
Dear Mary: How do I reject a wedding invitation without causing offence?
Q. I have just been invited to a wedding where the groom will be the only person I know. Much…
Dear Mary: How do we stop chatty workmen from disturbing us?
Q. I have been working (from home) for a TV comedy production company for a year. My job is scouting…
Dear Mary: How can I prioritise ‘first division’ friends after lockdown?
Q. Before Covid, I was staying with friends in the country every other weekend. As a single man living in…
Dear Mary: What should my wife and I do with the risque photos we took in our youth?
Q. I hesitate to bring you this problem, but I suspect it is not that uncommon. Early in our very…
Dear Mary: How do I tell my neighbour she’s let herself go in lockdown?
Q. Recently an old acquaintance, notorious for never penning a ‘thank you’ note, emailed me telling me he was being…
Dear Mary: Why is my 87-year-old mother emailing me risque jokes?
Q. My mother, aged 87, has taken to forwarding me by email slightly risqué jokes. Her carer is the recipient…
Dear Mary: What should I do about my husband’s schoolboy table habits?
Q. My husband has always worked extremely hard and now does so from home — so I go to great…
Dear Mary: Is my husband’s forgetfulness about fastening his flies costing us friends?
Q. I was instrumental in finding some much-needed work for a local retired secretary/PA when I recommended her for the…
Dear Mary: How do we thank a friend when we’ve forgotten what they sent us?
Q. Following the birth of our child we were deluged with cards, gifts and money from kind family and friends.…
Dear Mary, from Joanna Lumley: what should I do with my excess Christmas cards?
From Joanna Lumley Q. We receive a huge number of Christmas cards every year. When I take them all down…
The importance of giving offence
As dons at Cambridge vote on a new protocol on constraints to free speech, we mark this month the 500th…
Why it pays to be rude to ramblers
If the novelty of going for a walk doesn’t wear thin for the marauding masses soon, I am going to…
Dear Mary: How do I stop the cleaner ‘helping’ with my jigsaw?
Q. Unlike my wife, I am tiring of Netflix. Wanting a project to occupy me during these long dark nights,…
Dear Mary: How can I stop my boss giving me a Christmas hamper?
Q. For many years my boss gave each member of his small team a very generous Christmas gift voucher from…
Dear Mary: Will my friend be offended if I buy her an XL dress?
Q. My son has moved his girlfriend into our fairly small house for the second lockdown. I am grateful for…
Dear Mary: How do I cope with cooking for food snobs?
Q. I have a delightful young goddaughter who, thanks to the virus, I have not seen since last year. Her…
Dear Mary: How can I wind up a Zoom call with a chatty friend?
Q. Is there a tactful way to wind up a Zoom call when one of you has more time on…
Dear Mary: Why is my brother making me pay £400 for a drawing of my cat?
Q. I would welcome your advice on a tricky family matter. For my 70th birthday earlier this year my brother…
Dear Mary: Can I still socialise with my virus-denying friends?
Q. An old friend offered to treat me to a birthday lunch, provided I choose and book the restaurant myself.…
Dear Mary: How can my celebrity husband still be recognised in a face mask?
Q. I am running out of suitable responses to a friend who now has the slightest possible connection to one…
Dear Mary: How should I handle my bitchy friend’s birthday cards?
Q. Many years ago I was asked to officiate at a funeral for a family I did not know. As…
Dear Mary: How do I stop people assuming I’m a billionaire?
Q. My husband and I have spent many happy weekends in the seaside cottage of long-standing friends. Knowing how much…
Dear Mary: How can I get my social skills back after lockdown?
Q. I have just been out to my first lunch in months. Ten of us sat around a table in…
Dear Mary: How can we be sure our host gives us clean sheets?
Q. Some friends persist on displaying our email addresses in large address lists when sending out round robins to all…
Dear Mary: How can I hide my lockdown weight gain?
Q. For professional reasons it is important that I am not fat. However I have put on more than a…
