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Tuscany’s killer climate
The hotel manager had arranged for me to borrow an Alfa Romeo Spider Duetto two-seater convertible (1982) for the afternoon.…
Not going to the osteopath cured me
Not going to the osteopath worked a treat. Walking out of that surgery after hearing the crunching coming from inside…
The death of free thought
Hold the presses, this is a world exclusive. A Boris ex I sat next to last week gave me the…
Why can’t my mother be allowed to die at home
As they say: it all happened so quickly that it wasn’t until afterwards. One minute I was bawling at my…
Is my osteopath a psychopath or a mystical healer?
Either the osteopath is a psychopath or he is the second coming. I see no other possibility. I turned up…
Why I’m not convinced by Boris
I had never heard of Mark Field until he was suspended for removing, in a commendably vigorous manner, the Greenpeace…
Nice men make terrible leaders
The Duke of Marlborough gave a toast last week that brought the house down during a Turning Point dinner for…
My oncologist is a shining goddess
The weather forecast was rain, torrential, all day, so I took my anorak. In the hospital car park it was…
You can tell a Remainer by their garden fence
Remainers don’t like borders, I get that. But I had always assumed this was a preference confined to geopolitics. I…
After the week I’ve just had will my liver ever recover?
Bellamy’s and Oswald’s are the two best restaurants in London. They are owned by two friends of mine — both…
Up close and personal with Thomas Hardy
I walked in out of the rain, dripping, and sat down beside the fire on the primitive high-backed settle. ‘Is…
This prospective lodger was clearly barking mad
‘Take a seat,’ said the prospective lodger as we stood in my dining room. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand,’ I…
Diversity’s valued — unless it’s diversity of opinion
The BBC has advised its journalists not to use the word ‘terror’ or ‘terrorist’ when some bloke blows himself up…
Boris is the only one who can save the Tories
A lady once offered to go to bed with me if I could ensure that she would write The Spectator’s…
The joy of my local paper
As usual I go downstairs at five o’clock in the morning and into the dining room, which now serves as…
My planning permission hell
When is planning permission for four loft windows actually planning permission for two? Or simultaneously vice versa? It’s a very…
How to save the Tory party
How do you feel about the standard of political debate in this country? I ask this question at the very…
Hands free: I’ve joined a new kind of abstinence movement
Eight years ago, I had an erotic epiphany. It was around midnight: I had sex on the brain and porn…
The joy of my grandson’s baptism
They were putting the finishing touches to the giant tent as I drove up to Schloss Wolfsegg after an hour’s…
Why being poor is always more expensive in the long run
Of course the varifocals I bought online were a waste of money. When they came in the post and I…
The builder b and I are engaged in a toilet war
No sooner had the builder boyfriend finished digging for no good reason in the basement than his attention turned to…
The softer side of Hemingway
I didn’t like it, and then I did like it. But a writer’s job is to tell the truth, as…
What my mother’s death means for Brexit
Considerate to the last, she had her order of service arranged in her mind. I sat close with my notebook.…
The NHS clearly wishes I would just naff off
The receptionist fixed me with a withering stare. I had just filled out a repeat prescription form and politely inquired…
On milkshakes
Should we make it illegal to study the social sciences? Imagine the amount of tendentious rubbish we could erase from…
