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Is EE fantastic after all?
This was going to be about how a major phone company surprised me by delivering a fantastic service. I was…
Up close with the Rolling Stones
At 7 p.m., panting, I knocked on the door of room 201 of the Hotel InterContinental, Marseille, expecting it to…
Sex and MOTs
Opening a button of my shirt to get the horse lorry through its MOT is the sort of thing I…
Why I was proud to be a dustman
I heard the last and final call for flight 6114 to Nice while shuffling forward in the unexpectedly long queue…
Me and my gun
Finally, I got my hands on a gun. About the size of a sawn-off shotgun it was, just under 20in…
Cancer? I wouldn’t have missed it for the world
Homesick for England, family and friends, I flew back, and the next day went for a long walk with my…
The hidden costs of dogging
Every day in every way we are paying for more and more. I realise this increasingly. Things we took for…
Donald Hankey: a remarkable – and neglected – English voice
Last year the BBC radio drama department received 3,797 scripts from hopeful authors, of which just 33 were recommended to…
It’s war in my neighbourhood – and this time it’s gloves off
After sanding floorboards for two days I became even more demented than usual. The hand sander was the exact right…
Why did a Ukrainian oligarch invite me to his party in Paris, and pay for me to get there?
On Monday night I went to a party at the Crazy Horse nightclub in Paris thrown by the oligarch Vitaly…
Turmeric is the hero herb – an all-natural, vegan alternative to common sense
Dear customer, we are invading your privacy and sending you this unsolicited email in order to tell you that you…
Was our Airbnb host a closet toreador?
We were standing in the tiny hall: me, Catriona, Annette and her toy Yorkshire terrier, Ahmed. It was our first…
Now I know how the Karate Kid felt
Now I know how the Karate Kid felt. Two hours after I began oiling the newly laid deck in my…
Catriona’s first bullfight – but would it be her last?
Six Partido de Resina (formerly Pablo Romero) bulls for Rafaelillo, Thomas Dufau and Juan Leal. The first corrida of the…
The poorer I get, the more capitalist I become
‘What a fabulous tan, where did you get it? said one of my fellow lunch guests as we entered the…
Will LSD cure my Brexit obsession?
An 87-year-old friend, a former doctor, has been urging me for some while to have a look at the latest…
My name’s Melissa and my horse is a grassoholic
Laminitis is a lot like alcoholism. Once you cross the line you can’t go back. ‘My name’s Gracie and I’m…
The critics may have liked The Death of Stalin but the French certainly don’t
Should I or shouldn’t I go and see The Death of Stalin, showing at the French village cinema last Sunday…
The women who are turning horses into dogs
The first time I saw a woman leading a horse down the lane on a lead, both she and it…
On giving and taking offence
‘Slight prick,’ she said. The nurses all say that before they slide the needle in the upstanding vein in the…
Why suburban ladies really play tennis
Because my mother is always telling me everything will be all right if I join a tennis club, I’ve joined…
Knife skills for eight-year-olds
Pig’s trotters. Lamb’s feet stuffed with their brains. Flayed wild rabbits, all sinew, muscle and eyeballs. Nude chickens with flopping…
Save me from middle managers dressed up as Spiderman
‘You’ve got your essay on your back, then?’ said the stable yard owner as I headed out with Darcy on…
Brexit for eight-year-olds
A week ago I plucked my eight-year-old grandson Oscar from the bosom of his rumbustious young family and took him…
Do we really need an app for everything?
‘If this madness goes on, I will not be able to leave my house without downloading the app,’ I told…
