Surrey
Never pour scorn on Croydon
Much derided as a philistine wasteland, the borough has an extremely distinguished history and could serve as a microcosm of Britain itself, says Will Noble
Did the Duchess of Windsor fake the theft of her own jewels?
When Wallis’s jewellery collection disappeared from under the bed one night in Surrey in 1946, was this a misfortune, or carelessness, or planned fraud?
Will I have to forcibly flood my house to sell it?
‘Come on, let’s get a move on with filling in all the forms and we could have this done and…
I am escaping Surrey in the nick of time
As I slapped a rude note on a car parked outside my house, I realised that nature was taking its…
The problem with posh dog food
Having loaded the last sack of working dog food in Surrey into my car, I slammed the trolley back into…
I just can’t face one more argument with anyone, ever again
The cyclist was on the wrong side of the road coming towards me head-on. It was a winding country lane…
Everything’s burned to a crisp – and the horses are suffering
Everything is well and truly burned to a crisp, and we are piling through hundreds of pounds of hay a…
Don’t bring me sunshine: a week in the Surrey hills
I’m staying for a week in an 1850s house in the Surrey hills that looks-wise might have been built for…
The Lycra louts are back
‘That will be £7.50 please,’ said the girl in the bakery to the cyclist in black Lycra after he put…
The builder and I are done with Surrey
As he grouted the last tile, five years after the bathroom was finished, I knew the game was up. ‘I…
The house names of Surrey tell a sad story
If you want to understand Surrey, look at the house names. Keepers’ Copse, Meadow View, Weavers, Highfields… What do all…
Every village needs a kebab shop
‘A diary?’ said the lady in the chintzy gift shop, pronouncing the word very much as Edith Evans said ‘handbag’…
I’m stuck in Surrey, get me outta here!
After most of Islington moved to Wales, it was foolish of me to think about following. But the need to…
Our local councillors who’ve lost their seats must be sighing with relief
An angry text exchange between me and a former Tory councillor after she lost her seat has got me thinking.…
How do we stop the Lycra dads using our stable yard as a toilet?
The cyclist pulled into our gateway, got off his bike and grabbed hold of the electric fencing. Installing game cameras,…
My confusing life on the border of Tiers 1 and 2
As I scoffed down a fabulous supper in a candlelit room full of ecstatic diners, it struck me that this…
This was not your usual entitled Surrey trespasser
The Volkswagen Passat was parked next to my field gate, sticking out into the lane, blocking larger vehicles from getting…
The abominable selfishness of the Surrey middle classes
‘Have you met the man who keeps his horses in this field?’ said one silver-haired lady to the other, as…
The badlands of rural Surrey
The most exciting place on earth I have ever been to is the village where I live. And I don’t…
